I dreamt that I was at a family member’s house with the rest of my maternal family; only they started talking about a vacation without me and a I got concerned, so I tried to talk to them as well. I never got an opportunity to talk though, as their vacation chat went over mine constantly. We eventually made it back to my house, to which my brother stood talking in the threshold with my grandma for hours, ready to leave with my sister and his friend. I kept trying to ask but I would always get ignored, so I eventually started to growl “come on” under my breath in frustration and jealousy. My brother took notice, and I asked him about coming, to which he made some excuse on the spot. I then got pissed and slammed the door on his and my grandma’s face out of anger. I then got a microwave burrito out of the freezer, covered it in loads of blue hot sauce until it looked like a blue raspberry flavored food, and then microwaved it. It started to make weird noise, and it looked soggy, but I didn’t care. I was just sad and angry that they would go on a vacation without me. I then took it out of the microwave when it got super hot and desiccated and went to go outside to apologize, but as I waas doing so, I saw my grandma on my laptop installing a mouse click and keyboard input tracker. She tried to apologize and said something to me like “if you’re so interesting lately, then we might as well track you,” but that enraged me even more. I saw that as the last straw, and I snatched the keyboard from my grandma and went to walk out the house. Only the moment I left my apartment building’s foyer, I woke up instantly in a very sad mood. I awoke feeling terrible and jealous today, alongside being starved and thirsty. I was really grumpy this morning too, and I felt kinda hormonal and PMSing. Probably out of nicotine withdrawal and not having caffeine as well.
This dream presents a rich tapestry of emotions and themes, revealing underlying concerns about communication, exclusion, and the need for validation within familial relationships. Here’s a detailed interpretation:
Family Dynamics: The setting in a family member's house implies a focus on your maternal family relations. The predominant theme of exclusion—your family discussing a vacation without you—highlights feelings of being overlooked or marginalized in familial interactions. This symbolizes a deeper emotional struggle where your needs for connection and participation feel unacknowledged.
Frustration and Anger: Your repeated attempts to engage with your family, only to be continued to be ignored, demonstrates a sense of thwarted communication. The growling in frustration reveals your inner turmoil and desire to assert yourself. The act of slamming the door suggests a breaking point—an expression of pent-up anger and disappointment about not being considered in family decisions.
Food as Emotional Comfort: The microwave burrito, particularly as you load it with blue hot sauce, signifies a desire for comfort or an attempt to find solace through consumption in response to emotional distress. The odd color and texture reflect the surreal aspects of your feelings — how your emotions might appear to others versus how they really feel to you. The food’s state, from the soggy appearance to the bizarre flavor choice, symbolizes the messiness of your emotional experience.
Surveillance and Control: Your grandma’s installation of a tracking device on your laptop introduces feelings of invasion and scrutiny. This symbolizes a fear of being watched or judged, echoing your feelings of needing to prove your worth or remain relevant. Her comment, which could be interpreted as belittling your struggles or changes, further amplifies your feelings of resentment, suggesting a fear of being misunderstood or misrepresented.
Transitioning States: The movement from the home to the foyer and your waking moment indicates a journey from an emotional 'home' filled with familial confusion to a physical reality where feelings manifest as frustration. Your abrupt awakening in a negative emotional state reflects unresolved conflicts and the burden of unexpressed feelings.
Waking up feeling terrible, jealous, and grumpy likely amplifies the dream's tensions, suggesting that these negative feelings in your waking life are spilling over into your subconscious. Factors like hormonal changes (PMS), nicotine withdrawal, and lack of caffeine should also be considered, providing a physical backdrop that might enhance emotional sensitivity and vulnerability during this period.
This dream encourages you to explore your feelings openly, both with yourself and your family. Consider addressing any unresolved feelings of exclusion, jealousy, or frustration in your relationships, while ensuring your voice is acknowledged in familial conversations. Exploring methods to express these sentiments — perhaps through open dialogue with family members or journaling — can pave the way for emotional healing.
Additionally, be mindful of your physical well-being, especially during times of withdrawal, as this may heighten emotional volatility. Balancing physical self-care with emotional exploration will assist you in navigating this challenging emotional landscape.